S.I.N Strength in numbers

I’m a survivor of incest. Some days I don’t feel like a survivor, I feel like a victim again, so here’s how I cope on some really bad days.

  I’ve been writing poetry for years and although I can’t draw to save my life, I’ve learnt from watching videos on how to draw my feelings. The pain never goes away but sometimes writing and trying to draw gets some of my feelings down on paper, so I take it out on paper and not myself. 

 I’ve created this page in hopes to help even just one person get through their day and that you’re not alone. Some days are definitely darker than others and I have attempted to give in to it all but writing and sharing part of my abuse, I hope to educate someone to see we can get through it.  I’ve had very little support apart from psycologist and psychiatrists, I don’t talk to family or friends as my mother made me out to be a liar, even though my father plead guilty and went to jail.  I was 45 when he went to jail, so it was all historical evidence. Although historical, the police were able to gather a lot of evidence, even as far as going back to first house it happened in. 

I never thought I would tell anyone, I thought I would go to my grave with this treacherous secret. It scared the absolute crap out of me that people would find out.  Even though I have lost everyone I regarded as friends and family, looking back I wish I spoke up sooner. 

I went through it almost everyday in some way from the age of 2 until I was 18, I’m 52 now and still struggle. My hopes in this page is that if you find yourself here and don’t know whether to speak up or not, find the courage to stop the cycle of this crime, you could be saving someone, god knows I wish I was saved.  Don’t let them win, let’s do this together, there’s strength in numbers to stop this heinous crime. 

Giselle Nieves (Hastings)